Gluten Free = Anything good Free

I have been living Gluten Free for what seems like forever. I don't even know actually, but I think it's something like 2 weeks or a week and a half.

I'll just come right out and say it: It's a whole lot of shitty. Before you all think "come on, it's just food", I know. I know it's just food, I know I don't have cancer, I know I don't have diabetes, I know life could be so much worse, and I'm not pretending that my life is coming to an end. BUT, it's incredibly difficult and I hate it so far.

I was in Community Natural Foods after about day 2 of being gluten free, and I was looking around for snacky foods. You know, when you're running out the door and need something to throw in your purse in case you get hungry, or when you just want as a little something at home. Anyway, I'm looking, and looking, and looking, and all I find are some bar thingys. There is HUGE selection of bars at the store, so I'm thinking there HAS to be something that's got some nutritional value, not too fatty, and reasonably priced. Well, there are three brands that are gluten free. THREE. (I know I didn't look at every single one, but three out 15 I would say). There's the Larabar, which I know and love, but really, not much of a nutritional bar, more of a "I'm craving something sweet so I'll choose this instead of candy or a chocolate bar". And it's also between $1.50-$2.00 per bar. Then there are these Glutino brand bars, which are basically like those Chewy tendres made by Quaker, which are $7.50 per box of five. Lastly, Bumble Bars, which are about $2.50 per bar, and are good, but again more like the Larabar in nutritional content. They are so strange though, made with little tiny yellow dots... I'm thinking by the name maybe they're made out of some kind of bee product. Anyway that's the snack part of the trip.

The baking? I won't bother. A small loaf of bread (and I mean SMALL... like the size of a baker's potato) was $7.50.

On to the sauces. I would like a salad dressing. I looked for about 10 minutes, and finally bought some balsamic vinegar that I can mix with oil. No regular salad dressings are gluten free.

I started to tear up a bit, I know that sounds cheesy, but I did. I held it together, paid $30 for not even a bag full of things, and left. As soon as I got into the car, I cried. Full on cried. I just felt sorry for myself, thought things like "why me?" and "this is stupid"... By the time I got home, I was still crying, and I walked inside feeling really stupid because things are so much worse for so many people in this world, but I just wanted to cry. Matt was here, thought maybe I crashed the car or someone died, but "no", I said between tears, "I can't eat ANYTHING" boo hoo. He was sweet and went online to order some gluten free goods. He found lots, but the shipping ended up being ridiculous, so we decided to hold off. I think there are a few other websites that may be a bit closer to home so we'll give those a shot. Anyway he cheered me up and we made some delicious thai food that we happened to have, and that's gluten free.

My problem, aside from snacks, are the sauces. For the love, why is there wheat in EVERYTHING????? Soy sauce, anything WITH soy sauce, BBQ, salad dressings, peanut sauce, chicken broth, and anything else that has a flavour. This is the tough part.

I saw a new nutritionist who is sweet as pie and we are going to work well together to find things to make, things to bring on the road, how to re-organize my kitchen, since we can't use the same toaster or peanut butter. I'm happy to have someone I can just call and say "can I have this?" and she'll say yes or no. I feel a little bit better, and things I know can only get better, but at the start, to say "you can't eat gluten, and.... GO!" and to be so in the dark and have no one and nothing is not really ideal.

I am off to Toronto for the weekend with my mum, my sister, Jordan and Matt to run a little race in the Toronto Waterfront Marathon weekend. It will be fun! Eating will be interesting, but I'll make it through!