Monday, December 18, 2006

*$%@#! %$#&!

This is what I was screaming yesterday morning at 5 am. Since I had to work at 6 am at Starbie's, I dragged my lazy ass out of bed, drowsily went into the bathroom, did my thing, then flushed the toilet. I'm getting my toothbrush out and I realize the water isn't going down, but instead rising alarmingly quickly. One of the worst feelings in the world I've discovered is watching your toilet water rise and being able to do nothing about it. The water gets to the top, and then just starts spewing out. All over the bathroom. I'm standing there in my undies and a hoodie, in a corner hopping up and down as to not get covered in peey water, and swearing. Profusely. I try to grab everything that's on the ground and huck it in the sink, but the water just keeps coming and coming. I hop out the door and knock on Linda's door and try to say in the calmest voice ever but end up screaming "LINDA! CAN YOU COME HERE FOR A SECOND???"

She sort of sensed the urgency in my voice I guess and came out and I said "LINDA! The toilet exploded!" She just started laughing and said "oh dear." I almost shook her her, but didn't, and said "Don't you see, pee all over the bathroom!" Then she realized the seriousness of the situation and we sort of whipped into action. Except we had nothing with which to whip into action since we have no plunger and no mop. Great. I threw a bunch of our towels on the ground, dry heaving the entire time, and tried to make it as un peey as possible. At one point I said "oh god I think I'm gonna puke" and to that Linda replied "Don't puke though, cause you have no where to puke!" We laughed for a split second and then realized that there was sewage all over the bathroom and got back to work. I still had to work at 6, so I hopped in the shower, did one of the world's longest jumps out of the tub and out the door of the bathroom, and quickly got ready for work.

I left and Linda had to deal with a lot of the nastiness... She came into work and I gave her a giant extra strong coffee to fuel her throughout the entire morning. Basically she unplugged the toilet and scrubbed every inch of the bathroom (and a lot of the apartment) with disinfectant (after a trip to the home depot and walmart). Our place smells very lemony! My gross job was to wash the nasty towels, which I was prepared to do, but my loving mother actually did it for me! I put them through twice with extra rinse cycles, so I hope I'll be able to use them again. If not, I'll need some new bath towels!

Seriously, how does a toilet clog from pee? That's all I'm asking.

And why does it clog at 5 in the morning?


Kirst said...

Too much tp. Been there done that. Yes it is gross.

Heather said...

Yeah but I used like two tiny squares! I'm not a tp hog!

kris said...

Pee all over the floor isn't too bad, this could have been much much worse.

My guess is that the last thing that went down the night before was probably stuck just out of sight. Not that I want more details, because believe me I don't.

Blogosaurus Rex said...

I have a childhood fear of such things (read my latest). I hope you went out and bought a plunger! Always good to have one of those things on hand.

I agree with kris, it could have been much worse. Actually, pee is supposed to be not that bad (as far as nastiness goes). The ancient Romans used it for mouthwash (seriously).

Lulu said...

much funnier than my post, but basically my whoel office is starring at me as I laugh hysterically at my desk - bathroom does smell much much nicer now!

--Nathan-- said...

and some people still use it to wash their hair... i think i saw a show that showed some people in peru that do.

on the trip to home depot did you get a plunger... you might want one. Can you say Christmas present?

Heather said...

Yeah Linda got a plunger. It now lives in the bathroom, though a plunger in my stocking on Christmas WOULD have been an extra special treat.

I don't think I'll use pee as mouthwash or shampoo anytime soon.

Evey said...

LMAO! THANK YOU for this very entertaining story.

Anonymous said...

geez! you're hilarious! at least it was a # 1!!!!