Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Highest pants EVER!

So I get to wear these fab pants... They sit three ever-so-painful inches above my belly button. Seriously. Above. The. Belly. Button.

Then, I get to tuck my shirt into them. Shirt tucked in, three inches above my belly button.

So basically, I have a neck, boobs, and then a very very long crotch. Then, after you continue looking downwards for about five minutes, I have legs.

Luckily, I get to "take in the sides" so that I don't look like a parachute.

If I ever thought I had even a trace of an ass, it's gone now, in my gynormous pants that have to be gynormous so that they fit over my stomach therefore I could easily fit five of my asses into the ass part.

So all in all, the uniform was a big hit. (Actually, the shirt is quite nice, and it actually makes me look half decent... Too bad only a few inches of it shows since the rest is tucked into my pants.)

I also get to wear a vest or sweater (which luckily covers most of the foot long crotch I now have due to the pants mentioned above.)

Also, there is a LANYARD (pronounced "layunyerd") with a quick release at the back of the neck in case people pull on it in a threatening manner. Seriously. The scary thing is, this is a newly implemented rule. So there must be reasons why it was implemented. Crazy.

The best part is the lunch kit. Oh, how I love lunch kits.

10 comments:

Devo said...

Sounds like you really like your new outfit! I will be taking to the skies with your employer next Saturday. Hopefully I won't spend the whole flight looking at their pants.

Anonymous said...

Back in my stampede band days, we had some uniform pants like that. We called them the uterus pants...or "the utes" for short.
I think that when you de-parachute your pants (hammer anyone?), you should see what can be done.

(love the spelling of gynormous...goes with "the utes")

~K

Hez said...

Oh you KNOW you'll be checking out their pants... Unfortunately you won't be able to check out anything beyond the pants, because seriously, no one has even a trace of an ass.

I like the utes... is there a correct spelling for gynourmous? If there was, I for sure didn't know it.

Yeah I think I'll see about alterations... though it will probably cost me quite a bit (since I have three pairs of pants).

--Nathan-- said...

i dont know, you are working on planes... parachute pants could come in handy. sure people may laugh at you, but when that plane goes down you'll be the one laughing then.

kris said...

Gotta love uniforms. I like how Tim Hortons advertises "free uniforms" if you work for them. Was the free uniform part of what made you want to work for wj?

Lulu said...

One word -B E A U TIFUL!!!!!

Hez said...

You know, I didn't really seek the job because of the free unis, BUT I do know that at other similar jobs with other similar companies you have to buy them, and they would be about $600... so I am thankful that I get mine for free.

Dee said...

This one time...at band camp...sorry K, I had to. Sam and I were talking the other day about the message you wrote on your bloomers under the cheerleader skirt...good times.

Heather, you'll just have to wear the pants knowing that you look way hotter than all the rest of the girls wearing them!!

K said...

Yeah....while some found the humour in it, there were others that really weren't too pleased with me (thought I was "disrespecting the red and white"). But hey...I told them they could just bite me.

Funniest thing about that year? There were about 30 people on flag that spruce meaddows...grand total of flags that marched the Stampede Parade? 5 (in all fairness, there would have been 6 if Tara didn't have the chicken pox)

fuzzy wuzzy said...

Ah Hez, you've just given me a good laugh. Ya know we use to wear pants that high in the 80's and they were considered stylish. If you think YOU are all legs in them, you should see me. It's all leg & then neck! Anyway I couldn't stop giggling while reading your Blog. You'll look smashing inspite of the pants.